I am turning 33 this coming May. For the larger part of my life, I have been dealing with a severe autoimmune condition. It goes by many names — Eczema, Psoriasis, Topical Steroid Withdrawal, Red Skin Syndrome — and it has shaped nearly everything about who I am.
The Timeline
At around 8 years old, I started developing an itch at my knee joints, apparently a very common thing for young children in hot and humid Singapore. I would scratch so much that it went from uncomfortable to borderline painful.
My parents brought me to a neighborhood clinic, and back then, we had no idea that the only thing doctors would do was prescribe steroidal creams. These creams, when applied to the affected area, worked like magic — skin returned to normal almost immediately.
Younger me just kept at this for years. Little did I know that the more I used, the weaker my skin became, and the worse the outbreaks would get.
The Escalation
That’s the real issue. I am convinced that most doctors simply do not care enough to look deeper. I have heard so many similar stories, and there is a huge community online going through the exact same thing.
When the steroid creams stopped working, doctors started prescribing oral steroids — pills that cleared all skin problems but were far more potent.
Long story short: my skin got weaker and weaker, and the condition became uncontrollable. Bleeding scratches, destroyed self-esteem, inability to concentrate in school or at work, sleep disturbed, weight gain because I could not exercise. All my past relationships ended directly or indirectly because of this. I can’t blame my ex-girlfriends — some days I would look in the mirror at my horrible state and I wouldn’t like myself either. Ha, without this condition I would be married by now for sure.
The Trapped Genie
All this time, I felt like a trapped genie. So much potential that could not be unleashed. Meanwhile everybody — literally everybody — around me did not understand. I couldn’t blame them, because how could they? But I sure got frustrated. Extremely frustrated. Sometimes thinking that everyone are dumbasses.
I’m pretty sure that’s how cancer would feel like.
The Escape
By sheer luck, I realized that the condition completely heals when I am in certain places. I noticed it while travelling — Beijing, California — my skin would just clear up. So at 29 years old, I went to the US for graduate school. Skin healed in one month. Completely. Free at last.
I then had three incredible years of unleashing the genie. Travelled a ton, got a job at Amazon, actually got abs for the first time in my life! Take that, all of those who looked down on me.
Being Trapped Again
However, I had to return to Singapore after those three wonderful years, and within two months, everything came back. I’m starting to realize that perhaps this goes beyond steroids — perhaps there is some severe allergy at play. I will get that checked.
As of now, I am on a work trip in the US. My skin is still pretty bad — recovering, but bad. I am certain that as long as I stay out of Singapore for a good while, my skin will return to normal. And the genie will once again be out. However as of now, I am certainly depressed. But hey, will get a comprehensive allergy check done soon, and go for actual useful treatment. This is where LLMs have helped so much — by explaining my symptoms, they usually perform better than doctors.
What I Learned
But what has the genie learned while trapped? For basically all his life?
That no one gives a fuck about you.
People telling me to go vegan so my skin would heal — nope, did not work. Doctors prescribing the same things over and over — they don’t really know what they’re doing either.
Being an adult really means to not complain, and figure out your own way.
At the end of the day, be kind to others even if you do not understand. Everyone has a demon to fight. For now, the genie will continue improving in the bottle waiting for the return.